Self-harm: When Pain Cuts Deep

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Christie is a freshman in high school, and today she had a bad day. We all have bad days from time to time, but instead of lamenting to her friends or crying with her parents, Christie went to her room, closed the door, put some emotional music on, and began cutting herself with her razor. Christie is not suicidal, but she sees no other way to deal with the pain.

Sadly, Christie is not unique. Given its secretive nature, it is difficult to pinpoint exactly how many teenagers and young adults self-harm, but a recent study cited by the Cornell Research Program on Self-Injurious Behavior in Adolescent and Young Adults indicated that 17% have self-harmed at least once in their life. While from my observations, cutting with a razor or other sharp object seems to be the most common type of self-harm, WebMD.com reminds us that there are other forms of self-harm including burning, hair-pulling, head-banging, or even bone-breaking.

For many, any notion of self-harm seems odd and bizarre. Indeed, how would creating new pain help one to deal with the existing pain? Walt Mueller describes four motivations behind self-harm in Youth Culture 101, his comprehensive book on understanding the teenage world. First, self-harm is a cathartic coping mechanism. That is, self-harm becomes a way for the teenager to express his or her anger or pain. Second, the pain of self-harm breaks the numbness they are feeling, and reminds them they are in fact alive. Third, self-harm gives the teenager who is in the midst of chaotic turmoil a welcome sense of control. Although life is collapsing around them and is beyond their control, they control the parameters of their self-harm. Finally, there may even be a physiological component as endorphins are released and create an addictive high during the self-harm session.

While wearing long sleeves in summer in order to cover self-harm scars may be a clue, for many there will be no clear warning signs that one self-harms. Rather, those who self-harm may appear to have everything together and be generally happy. That said, Jim Burns, president of HomeWord, a ministry to families, cited research that nearly all of those who self-harm, “grew up in homes where communication between children and parents was severely lacking, and messy problems were ignored, avoided and ultimately left in silence.”

As we’ve seen with past issues, healthy parent-child communication is once again key to the overall soundness of teenagers. If you suspect your teenager self-harms, continue to seek and provide good channels of communication so that he or she will have a healthier outlet through which to express the pain in his or her life. Further, take advantage of the resources at the websites of S.A.F.E. (Self Abuse Finally Ends) Alternatives (selfinjury.com) or To Write Love on Her Arms (twloha.com).

The chorus of pain cannot be denied, but, with the support of a loving family and friends, it does not need to be the dominant voice.